Tuesday, May 21, 2024

How To Say No And Mean It In A Relationship?

Have you ever been in a situation where a guy was too persistent? Was he oblivious to your feelings? Did he try to get physical with you when you didn’t want him to? 

This article will show you how you can defend yourself peacefully, and have strength and confidence in doing so.

There are two parts to this article: About Him, and About You. They will be addressed separately so that it will be easier to understand. 

You will see that HE cannot change, but you can. This is about you, meaning that you can control the situation. You can control how you feel, therefore you can control what you do based on those feelings. 

That is what will be explained in this article. This pertains to both men and women. What this means is: if you take responsibility for yourself, you can be in control and eventually you will see less undesirables in your life.

About Him

Since this article is about you, I will put things in perspective by only mentioning him briefly. Let’s say this is a guy you just met.

He’s a complete idiot!

He’s being unreasonable!

He won’t leave you alone!

Like I said, this is not about him. There are a lot of jerks out there, and you’re not going to change them. You can, however change how you react based on how you feel. 

You can learn to avoid situations with unreasonable, persistent idiots. It won’t matter how annoying or persistent he is because you will learn to avoid him before things get too crazy. 

That is the answer: to  avoid the situation before it gets out of control. How? Read on.

About You

Some guy’s just don’t get it, do they? But that’s not your concern. You need to know when a situation doesn’t feel right, and then take action. 

If you feel uncomfortable, then express that uncomfortable feeling to him. I know of too many women that have tried to avoid a confrontation by being too nice.

The idea of being ‘too nice’ doesn’t mean you have to compromise yourself. When you’re being nice, the people involved should benefit from your kindness, including you.

A Good Defense is a Good Offense

What this means is: defend yourself by speaking up first. Express how you are feeling to the other person if you are uncomfortable. 

Do so in a way where he will listen. Men and women have a natural instinct to defend themselves when they are attacked. So don’t make this an attack, or he will feel the need to defend himself. 

Speak with a firm tone, and make your point. You don’t need to turn this into a confrontation; that will only fuel the fire.

I have been involved in self defense for over twelve years. During this time I have been in situations where I was forced to utilize my skills, and I have been in situations where weapons were involved. 

Each time I was able to talk my way out of a potentially harmful outcome. How did I do it? I defended myself with words (a good part of my training). Although I am well able to defend myself physically; words are a safer avenue to use.

Two Ways to Defend Yourself

There are two ways you can defend or prevent yourself  from being in an uncomfortable situation. 

The first way is not to attract people into your life that will cause you harm. This is a process that will take time to learn. If you have been reading my articles, then you know what I’m talking about. 

This website is about you, and how you can attract people and things into your life on purpose. When the focus is on you (not what the other person is doing) then you have control.

The second way to defend yourself is a bit primitive compared to the first way, however, it will suffice in a given situation. 

The first thing you should do is speak your mind by expressing how you feel. Here are some examples: ‘Stop! I am feeling uncomfortable;’ ‘you need to Stop!;’ ‘I don’t like this-so Stop!’ Stop is a good word, so use it wisely.

These words are emphasized by a certain tone and physical reaction. This is where women can make a huge mistake.

You are not supposed to laugh, giggle, or smile when you are expressing your feelings of frustration. Don’t use words like: ‘please stop,’ or ‘can you stop?’ 

Don’t ask and don’t be polite; be firm. Otherwise this will give mixed signals, and you will get yourself in trouble.

Generally men are physically stronger than women, so you don’t want the situation to escalate into something ugly. When a challenging situation is in its early stages, you can gain control with your words, tones, feelings, and body language.

You’ll always give a warning first, if he persists and he doesn’t heed to your warning, you need to tell him to BACK OFF!! You then back away from him and threaten to call the police.


It is much easier to learn and apply the first approach in defending yourself. That would be: learn not to attract undesirables into your life. 

To do this, you would practice being in the company of healthy thinking people. The more you involve yourself with quality people, the less of a chance you will have of attracting challenging people.

I have seen too many women trap themselves in these awkward situations. Knowledge is power; use this information wisely. 

This information can apply in other situations as well e.g. work, family and with friends. This will allow you to express your feelings. You can avoid certain situations by just walking away and not saying anything. 

The point is: you don’t have to put up with discomfort –  you can say something, or just walk away. Both actions state that you would rather be somewhere else where you are more comfortable. If you are not sure how to go about it, feel free to email me for more information.

Also read:

Why Men Are The Way They Are?

The Abusive Relationship Cycle

Relationships & Self Awareness