Tuesday, May 21, 2024

Should You Feel Chemistry on The First Date?

There are huge misconceptions on when we should feel chemistry with another person. Many potential relationships have never even gotten a chance because of these misconceptions. 

Maybe you have already thought you found your partner several times. However, due to false preconceptions, you didn’t realize it and lost your chance.

First impressions should play a small part in determining if a person is right or wrong for you (excluding the obvious, of course.) When you first meet a person, you really don’t know them. 

First dates can be awkward and oftentimes it can be difficult to genuinely be ourselves. We don’t have the opportunity to witness the other person in a relaxed state of being. Given a chance, who knows, maybe you will come to like them.

Are you one of the 90 percent of people waiting to feel that tingling feeling when you meet a person for the first time?

Why You can be Harmful to Your Love Life?

Studies show that teenagers have an easier time connecting with a person than adults do. Teens are less critical, less prepared, and more allowing when it comes to dating. 

They seem to be more forgiving and they  have an enthusiastic approach to dating.  I personally think teens may be too extreme in their approach. However, adults can learn from the more forgiving approach teens have to dating.

Adults can learn not to have such high expectations and just be themselves, as the saying goes. You don’t need to sell yourself, you just need to make a good impression.

Try not to analyze and rationalize so much and allow that instinctual, loving part of you to reveal itself.

Physical Expectations

Over-exaggerated physical expectations are often a contributor to not finding that special person. Middle aged adults have an especially difficult time with this because it is much more of a challenge to maintain an athletic physique. 

Some middle aged people are therefore expecting too much from the other person, expecting them to be fit and “perfect.”

Are you fit and perfect?

Eventually these people become frustrated and hopeless in their search. Finding a relationship becomes time sensitive and subsequently they find themselves alone and withdrawn. Online daters are guilty of this.

Though looking for someone that is physically fit can be one of many preferences, one should try not to make it a priority.


Are your priorities of a physical or non physical nature? Are you more concerned about a person’s physical attributes or their personality? 

This includes physical traits, how much the person has achieved, and their financial situation. Although all of these things are important, but are they priorities?

What are you attracting into your life right now? That will tell you what your priorities are, or have been up to this point. 

You see, you can’t lie to yourself. You will attract into your life what you have been focusing on. The worst thing you can do is to blame someone else for being in your life, you attracted them, remember?

You probably didn’t realize you’re a magnet. We’re all magnets, attracting and repelling. Thinking about something we don’t want won’t make it go away. We create more of what we think or focus on, that’s how it works. 

If you hate someone, they will continue to be in your life, maybe not in a physical sense, but always in your mind. If you like

someone, but you think you might lose them, now you’re focused on losing them and guess what happens next?

Ask yourself: are my expectations too high? Am I over-analyzing? Where are my priorities?

Do you think it’s possible for you to give the other person the benefit of the doubt and just see them as someone like you? Can you see them giving it their best, whatever that may be?

Is it Rare to Feel Chemistry on the First Date?

Now we’re getting to the heart of the matter. The short answer is yes, so don’t expect too much to happen on the first date. 

I personally know of people in successful relationships that have mentioned that they didn’t feel chemistry at the very beginning of the relationship.  

It took awhile, and several have mentioned that they never expected to be together with their current partner.

Sometimes you have to let things happen naturally. Forcing it means you are focusing on not having it, and that creates more of not having it.

You have to give it a chance; first dates can be very awkward, so let them be awkward. Second dates are more relaxed, have you noticed that? 

Third dates you find yourselves becoming more affectionate with each other, and therefore more relaxed.


To reiterate, you have to give it a chance and let chemistry grow. But first you need to know your priorities. 

You don’t need to question or rationalize the situation at hand e.g. I wonder if she likes me? Did I make a fool out of myself? Should I have done it differently? Will he call me?

These questions can bring in all sorts of insecurities. Be nice to yourself and know someone will accept you for who you are. 

Don’t try to please everyone, remember, you only want to attract one person, not an entourage of men.

Chemistry takes time to develop. Having mutual values and interest, along with similar religious viewpoints are all a big part of developing chemistry. 

Some obvious reasons why you wouldn’t give a relationship a chance are: alcoholic/drug addict, abusive, controlling, and annoying behaviors are but a few reasons for avoiding a relationship with this person.

Have a read:

How to Appreciate Your Lover, Wife or Husband?

Relationships & Self Awareness 

Are You Dating Mr. Control Freak?