Friday, May 17, 2024

Sex With Your Ex? Go For It or Is It a Stupidity?

Did you know one out of every three divorced couples will engage in sex with their Ex? It is more common than you think. 

The divorce rate is currently at an all time high, and divorced people are seeking sexual pleasure through alternative lifestyles or alternative means. 

Frequent sexual encounters with lovers from previous relationships have become a normal lifestyle for some.

There are more middle-aged single adults than ever before, and most of these divorced adults are having a difficult time finding a partner. 

Sex is very significant to them and plays a huge part in their lives. The challenges in finding a suitable partner are frustrating. They have sexual urges that want to be expressed, hence one of the reasons for turning to their Ex for sex. 

Is Having Sex with Your Ex Right or Wrong?

Since we’re all individuals, and we have our own ideas of what is right or wrong, then it would stand to reason that it depends on ‘you’ and how ‘you’ feel about it. 

If you feel uncomfortable, or you think it’s wrong, then don’t do it. Don’t go against your feelings. 

However, your feelings of right or wrong should not be determined by what others say or feel. This is about you and how you feel.

Everyone has a right to their opinion, and that’s just what it is – their opinion – not yours. You can listen to outside opinions and take what works for you, and discard what doesn’t. 

Each person and situation are unique. Other people’s experiences and what they see as right or wrong is going to be different than yours.  

If you choose to engage in a sexual relationship with your Ex, then I would suggest to not mention it to anyone. It is none of their business. 

Besides, if you ask someone else their opinion on this matter, that means you are feeling ambivalent. You need to be sure this is what you want for your own reasons.

Keep in mind when dealing with another human being, there isn’t a written rule of right or wrong that would apply to all situations. 

You will have to be creative and design a working relationship that is unique to both of you.   

Why Do People Have Sex with Their Ex?

There are a multitude of reasons why. As I mentioned above, you have to find your own reasons why. 

Comfort, trust, and pleasure seem to be at the top of the list of reasons to have sex with the Ex.

 Most of the people I’ve spoken to that are sexually involved with their Ex’s unequivocally mention the element of trust and expectation. 

They feel safe, and for the most part, it’s something they can depend on. As long you feel good doing it, and you’ve decided this is what you want, then what more is there to say?

However, if you are still emotionally attached to him or her, and secretly hoping you can win them back with good sex, think again. 

It won’t work. Trickery and deceitfulness are the opposite of honesty, and well, I think you know how this will end?   

Can Sex with Your Ex Keep You from Having a Relationship?

Sure it can! Some people have a sexual relationship with their Ex because it’s safer, and they don’t have to commit to very much.  

Some women and men in this situation have chronic difficulties with having a committed relationship. When things are a little challenging in their new relationship, they usually retreat back to their comfort zone. 

Occasionally, and unfortunately, their comfort zone is their Ex. Remember, their Ex is someone they can trust to be there, and they know what to expect. It’s almost like a Plan B, or a crutch, or worse, being co-dependent. 

In this case, where’s the incentive to grow, to be an independent thinker, and to make decisions on your own? It’s comparable to being an able-bodied person on welfare. 

Don’t be dependent because of fear. Usually Plan B’s are for those that don’t have faith in their original plan.

Here’s one reason for a sexual relationship with your Ex:  your priorities might be with your kids and work. 

You’re both postponing a relationship with other people, because you don’t have the time to date or commit to a relationship at this time; however, you still require that sexual interaction.  


Have a clear idea of what it is you want and the motivation behind your desire. This, of course, applies to everything in life. Sometimes we have to test the waters, so to speak, in order to find out. In some cases, we know what we want by knowing what we don’t want.  

I believe relationships require some type of structure or agreement. Make up your own rules. 

Anything is possible as long as you respect each other, come to an agreement, and communicate your feelings. I have seen these relationships work successfully for a short time, while others fail miserably.

This type of relationship, for the most part, is short lived. Most people eventually want a secure, long lasting, and committed relationship.  

My advice is to be careful and not make this into a co-dependent relationship. Be vigilant with your feelings and emotions. 

Maybe this type of relationship should come with a caution sign. Be flexible and know there will be changes. Eventually, you may want a real relationship, and sex with your Ex will have to stop. 

Actually, you should stop way before you decide to have a relationship. This way you will be prepared emotionally.  

The only way to prepare emotionally is to practice good emotional habits. Going with what really feels right will eventually become a habit, and you will make the right choices. 

You won’t need to give it any more thought in the long run. Out of habit, your subconscious mind will lead you.

Keep in mind you should always be building something into something better. We can view life as a ladder, always climbing to the next rung, taking pauses periodically to regain balance. We don’t want anything, anyone, or any situation to hamper our growth.

Part of the building process is inevitably making mistakes. Just make sure the degree of the mistake is minimal. 

You can minimize the degree by not repeating the same mistake or pattern. Be aware of how you feel, so you can catch it early, and potentially avoid what would seem like an obvious mistake.

My Personal Perspective

In my opinion, I would not want to engage in this activity. I’m not arguing that it’s incorrect or that I disagree with it. I’m saying I choose not to participate, because I feel it isn’t right for me. 

Some people are able to make it work, while others are unable to. For me, I feel that I need to be romantically and emotionally involved with a woman in order to have sex with her. It’s not really by choice per se, it’s a natural feeling that I have. I’m acting on my feelings, and this decision feels right for me.   

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Ten Tips to Get Your Ex Back

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Getting Back With Ex After Long Time of Break Up

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